David's Daily Diversions

The Little Government that Couldn't

The Government has been trying to get everyone out of their cars and onto the trains. Their advertising slogan, "Pay through the nose, stand for hours, sweat like a pig, and miss your appointments" doesn't seem to be working.

Some of the train companies have as many as 40 percent of their trains running late. Complaints are up by 8 percent over last year. The Strategic Rail Authority, Network Rail, and the Transport Secretary have a plan.

To cut back on the number of late trains, they are going to cut back on the number of trains, starting with 180 services. It's a simply formula, really. If x equals the number of trains running now, and y equal x minus 180, then 40 percent of y must be less than 40 percent of x. The only difference is that already overcrowded carriages will become even more stuffed. People will be hanging out the windows and riding shotgun with the driver, like something out of the third world.

Nework Rail, which is responsible for the rail infrastructure, is also cutting back on the number of staff. Possibly more than 14 percent. If you have fewer trains, you need fewer staff. This will save nearly £13 billion.

Being squeezed out the window of one of the few trains left will also cost more than the occasional chance to sit down does now. The Transport Secretary has annouced that fares will be going up at above the rate of inflation.

Apparently if they charge a lot more and spend a lot less, they may even reach their goal of having something in the region of 10 percent tardy by 2009.

So to summarise the Government's rail plan: fares will rise now, the number of services will drop now, there will be fewer staff now, and fewer trains will be late within six years.