Daily Diversions (Web Log)

David's Mental Meanderings
29th July 2001

Mrs Holford and I were shopping in town recently and we walked by a shoe store. I noticed that the prices in the window were particularly outrageous. The prices I noticed were not for women’s shoes, but for children’s. And not for big children – these were for toddlers. And no, I wasn’t looking at miniature Air Jordans (or whatever the hot sports shoe is now). These were plain little sandals. There is more leather in my key chain. A child could probably fit in these for all of five or six months. Then somebody has to go out an buy another pair.

Is it just me or are kids expensive? Looking at things like this is enough to take away any motivation to fulfil the Dominion Mandate to fill the earth.

I was pondering this a few minutes later, but hadn’t said anything to the Mrs. We had picked up some sandwiches and fruit drinks from Marks and Spencer and were sitting on a bench in the pedestrianized area of the City Centre. A small group of teenagers were loitering across from us. They were all dressed fairly slovenly, sporting jewellery embedded in various parts of their faces, and interrupting their conversations to answer mobile phones.

It was Mrs Holford who then commented that kids are not really net contributors to society. She noted that they take, take, take with very little gratitude and opined that they are more trouble than they are worth.

Apparently, you don’t even have to wait until they are teenagers before they can cause a lot of trouble. The big news over here recently was the huge debate over releasing Robert Thompson and John Venables from custody. They have been locked up for eight years for murdering a two-year-old. They are only now eighteen.

There is a nine-year-old who has had a court order placed on him because he has terrorised his neighbourhood and people cannot even go out of their houses. And even a seven-year-old who has been kicked out of eight different schools.

All this considered, there is a lot to commend our lifestyle as “tinks” (two incomes no kids). Even if they don’t turn out to be felons, life without children is easier. Just think in terms of travel. We go where we want, when we want, and don’t have to lug around any extra stuff. No having to say, “If you don’t shut up right now, I’m going to turn this car around and go home!” No whining, no fussing, no crying. No free taxi service to useless lessons in skills and talents that will never be utilised. (And no paying for useless lessons in skills and talents that will never be utilised.) Later, no handing over the car keys and holding my breath til it arrives back unscratched.

And no paying insurance deductibles when it doesn’t arrive back unscratched. From what I recall, kids result in a change in the food budget. Mrs Holford and I eat pretty much whatever we want. We spend less than £30 a week on groceries. I’ve been around a lot of families and I’ve seen the children hoover the food up off the table and into their disgestive tracts. Apparently this is an escalating problem, as the older they get the more they eat. I have no clue how the average family can afford teenagers. Definitely more expensive than guinea pigs.

And finally there is the extra space. Guinea pigs stay in a hutch. They can even go in the back garden. Children eventually need a bedroom. Sure, you can stack them two or three deep thanks to the marvellous invention of bunk beds, but still they require additional space. Eventually this means getting a bigger house and a bigger mortgage.

This all begins to get a bit a depressing the more I think about it.

I’m sure there is a positive side to having children. I suppose Mrs Holford and I will find out in about 25 weeks.