David's
Mental Meanderings 30th October 2000 This
week I finally reached that important milestone in my immigration to the United
Kingdom: I passed my driving test. It took three attempts and about £150, but
I did it. Reaching this point has been a harrowing experience. I
have been a licensed driver for the past twenty years. I have logged hundreds
of thousands of miles behind the wheel. I might not be the best driver in the
world, but I'm competent. I have been driving in the UK since 1990 and everyday
for more than 300 consecutive days. However,
because I do not come from an EU or Commonwealth country, the British Government
does not recognize my two decades of experience behind the wheel. If I were an
18 year old Greek boy, who has only ever driven on the other side of the road,
doesn't understand or read the English language, and doesn't even comprehend the
Roman alphabet, I could simply exchange my Greek license for a British one. I
was under the pressure of two different time constraints in successfully obtaining
my license. When I took my present job, my contract specified that I had to obtain
a license within six months or be terminated. When I immigrated to the UK, I had
to obtain that license within one year, as my foreign license would cease to be
valid in the UK at that time. What I didn't know when I took my job was that I
had to be resident in the UK for at least six months before I could take my driving
test. To make things just a little more complicated, the first literature I got
on the subject said I had to be in the UK for at least six months before I could
even apply for my test. So I waited at least
six months before I booked my theory test. The UK theory test is nothing like
the theory tests I took when exchanging my license in Arkansas in 1988 or Indiana
in 1990. I spent hours studying all the obscure road signs that no one ever sees
anyway, along with all the stopping distances at all possible speeds in all possible
road conditions. I studied all the possible types of questions. I took practice
test after practice test until I was consistently missing fewer than the limit
of five questions. When the test day came, I manage to pass with only one incorrect
answer. With a modicum of self-confidence, I
booked my first driving test. Because at this point I could get fired from my
job at any point in time, I had to get the earliest possible date. The soonest
I could get one in Hereford was a couple of months out, so I opted for Worcester.
I studied the book from the British School of Motoring on how to pass the practical
test. Even though I work in Worcester one day
a week, I do not know the roads. My mind was set at ease in the waiting area,
when one of the driving instructors who had brought his student to the test assured
me that the examiner would take into account my years of driving and any bad habits
I might have picked up. He couldn't have been more wrong. The
practical test allows for 15 minor errors in a 57 minute test. One serious error
or one dangerous error equals an automatic failure. Enough minor failures in one
aspect of practical skill can equal a serious failure, at the examiner's discretion.
I got four serious errors. Needless to say, I was a bit incredulous. Even after
the examiner explained why, I was incredulous, because none of them would have
been considered erroneous in an American driving test and none of them had been
made clear by my book. When you are examined
on the issue of steering, it has nothing to do with being able to put the car
where it is supposed to go. The overriding issue is where you put your hands on
the wheel. I had no problem with the usual "10 and 2" or "9 and
3" positions when driving along. I had no clue that the hands can never leave
this position at any time, even when executing a turn. If you ever find yourself
in the position of having to take a British driving test, please note: you have
to shuffle the wheel through your fingers as you make the turn and shuffle it
back through as you straighten. Do not do such a dangerous thing as gripping the
wheel and turning it. Do not, I repeat, do not let the wheel slide through your
hands as the tires naturally straighten themselves. Have
you seen that funny little bar with the button on top between your bucket seats?
You might have used it once when you parked on a steep hill. You certainly wouldn't
use it constantly while you are driving. Over here they have what can only be
described as a hand brake fetish. They simply can't perform without it. And they
don't want you to, either. If you are stopped at a traffic light, use it. If you
pull over to the side of the road for a second, use it. If you can't imagine how
it would serve a purpose at any given moment, rest assured this is a moment when
you are supposed to use it. And use those mirrors.
All they talk about in those books is "mirror-signal-manoeuvre." They
don't mention that you should look in all your mirrors about every three seconds,
whether you are manoeuvring or not. Thus the entire British motoring population
drive as if it is being stalked. Pretend you are being followed by private detectives
or you will fail your driving test. Having failed
the first attempt, once again I was short of time to pass the test and no reasonable
date was available in Hereford. The closest test centre was Newport. If Worcester
road are difficult, Newport's are horrendous. To be on the safe side, I bought
a driving lesson. Two hours later and £32 poorer (not including the £10 in petrol
for an extra trip to Newport), I had mastered all of those little idiosyncrasies
unknown to me in Worcester. Naturally, I failed the test. You
have no doubt seen, or maybe even experienced, that most famous of all British
road junctions, the roundabout. Almost all roundabout come in one of two varieties.
There is your standard yield-to-the-right roundabout. There is the "ring
road" which has traffic lights determining when you can enter into, and proceed
around sections of, the roundabout. Every once in a great while the is a roundabout
which isn't sure which type it should be. It has "part-time signals."
If you aren't used to seeing part-time signals and you are driving through a big
roundabout and suddenly an array of unlit signal lamps appear, you might be startled
and slow down. Don't. Your first thought might be that the lights are out and
someone might just be coming in from the side with no restriction, so you exercise
caution. Don't. This is a serious error. It will result in the loss of another
£37 test fee and increased anxiety due to impending job loss. Yet
miracles do happen. There was an availability at the Hereford test centre in just
24 days. This was the last chance before my Indiana license became invalid. As
I took the test in Hereford, I had been a resident of the UK for 351 days. Even
if my company hadn't found out, once my license was invalid, it would obviously
be illegal for me to drive my company car and the insurance would be invalid.
At one point of the test, I thought I had failed.
I went around a bus and the examiner shook his head. At the end of the test I
found out this was because I had used my signal to indicate that was returning
to the left lane. That was almost an incorrect use of signal, which would have
failed me. When I learned that I had passed the
test, I almost burst into tears. Involuntarily, I crossed myself and thanked the
Lord, which may have seemed peculiar to Ray, the examiner. I'm sure he has seen
various expression of elation in the past, so he remained quite unfazed by my
outburst and just continued filling out forms and explaining procedures. Well,
I wish I had some sort of funny, quirky way of finishing this, but I can't think
of any. I'll be following up on this shortly with a general update about Mrs Holford
and me. |